At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
