there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There's always time for handjobs
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
