The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
