Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
