And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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