We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
