Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
