Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
