dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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