i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
