Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
