apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
