The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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