The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
