i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I believe in your delicious
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
