Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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