I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
