I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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