He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
