Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
