Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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