just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm at about main and main street
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
COCAINE IS GR8
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
