I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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