I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
