Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
