then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
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You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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