Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
