apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
