I looked at my own cervix.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
