So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
