I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
