my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
