Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Houston, we have a squirter
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
