I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
