I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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