Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
