when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
