You're my little dorito
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize