You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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