you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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