Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
