Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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