The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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