Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
