toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
