Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I see more hoeing in ur future
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