Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You left your phone here
Wait...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
