There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
