Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
