my vag is so smooth its legendary
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize