this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
