I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
