just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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