It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Even my vagina gasped.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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