I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
