i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
