I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
