I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
