Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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