I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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