If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i would punch a child for taco bell
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
