I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
