my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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