your thong is hanging out like whoa
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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