maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
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My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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