And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
