I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
