mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
