made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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