I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
